Miss Jess had a very hard night last night. She got very discouraged and started crying. She feels left out. She knows that most girls her age have boyfriends or at least date. She is jealous that Justen is getting married and wishes that she could have that kind of relationship. She is at the level of a 7 yr old in so many ways but has the hormones of a teenager. She also has some very righteous desires such as being married and having a family. Last night she let a lot of her anguish out. She said things like, "What if I never get married? Doesn't Heavenly Father know that I want someone to love me?" {insert me fighting back my own tears and a huge lump in my throat} I told her that of course Heavenly Father knows the desires of her heart. I told her that she will have a chance to get married whether it's in this life or the next. She said, "I want it to be in THIS life!" More tears. I'm thinking that it may be time for her to get a Patriarchal Blessing so she can hear of the many blessings that the Lord has in store for her.
Needless to say, it breaks my heart that she feels so left out. I know that her quality of life isn't what it used to be. She doesn't have the strength or stamina that she used to. And to think I used to feel bad of all the things she was missing out on back then.... and now she can't do most of the things she used to. She said that the young women don't understand what it feels like but then hugged me and said, "But you do!" I reminded her that she always has me to be by her side. We hugged, cried a little and then I said or did something silly and we changed the subject. I finally got her settled into bed, with 4 barbies. LOL Of course she played with them for a little while and then got up to go to the bathroom. What can I say? It was one of those nights where I knew she needed the Barbies to comfort her. She keeps telling me that she likes to play with her Barbies because it's like she gets to pretend to be married and have children - just in case she doesn't get to in this life. *sigh* I wish it didn't have to be so hard for her.
[For those of you who don't understand what I meant about the next life, we believe in the literal resurrection of all living beings but no, we don't believe in reincarnation. For more details please visit: LDS.org or click here for the topic of "resurrection of all living beings".]
6 comments:
What a sweet, innocent spirit she has. You've just brought me to tears, but I don't know if I'm happy or sad! A little of both, I guess. Give her a huge hug from me!
Love,
Rene
Sending hugs and prayers for everyone. I've been a little worried about you when you didn't update. Will be praying as always.
Sweet Jess. It must be so very hard - a patriarchal blessing could give her a lot of comfort and peace with things. She is lucky to have such a loving and understanding family. And you are all lucky to have her. :-)
Hey Nancy! I'm on a blogging break, but I sure want to keep up with you. It's been awhile since you've written this, so I hope Jess is doing better now. Take care!
Oh, Nancy, I wish I could say something that would just "make it all better" (but, I suppose, if anyone knew that, we would ALL be saying it-quick!). Please know I am praying for each of you and all of you. Thanks for the update. It had been quiet for a bit, and I was a little worried...
Nancy, I am Paula Clayville's daughter and just read a comment you posted over a year ago (I'm reminiscing in the pathetically depressing way). I just wanted to say thank you for the comment you made. I've read a little on your blog and am so sorry for all you are going through. I better stop before I really break down in tears. I hope things are better.
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